The maze of uncertainity

Just last week, one of my brother's staff, a software developer, sort of interviewed me , on a personal cum professional level.

Him: "Akka (i.e. big sister) how long have you been there in this industry ?"

Me: Almost close to 15 years now

Him: More question on the kind of work I do in my current work space, and on what I work on, which language, difference between onsite works that go on in a product industry and a service industry in IT etc etc....

Me: Answered each and every question with my limited experience and knowledge.

Final question came.

Him: Have you ever regretted being in this industry for this long ?

Me: Every.Single.Day

A little big background about him. This guy is a newbie and has only an experience of an year or two in the software development. His parents want him to come back to farming. He is still withholding his decision of whether he should go and do farming or continue with his IT job. I think he was trying to get some experienced person's view of how life would be if he had to give it all up.

I keep getting those kind of questions from my brother's staff, who mostly are freshers or people with limited experience who wants to gain experience in service industry and then switch over to some big companies. But no one ever has asked me that final question. And I didn't even blink a second to answer him back. To say he was surprised was an understatement. He obviously saw the benefits I have accrued of being in this industry for all these years.There are lot of people who wanted to join this industry. I wasn't one of them. Hell, I wasn't even interested in studying computer science. That was what was offered to me based on my marks and every one, every single person in my family, my relatives, you name them, sort of pushed me to it. Because it came on its own. I don't regret that. Even if it wasn't my subject of interest, I was offered the course in a silver plate and it also gave me a job even before I finished the course. What is there to complain. Responsibilities beats interests. Especially in a middle class struggling family, there is no other option. You kind of get that mentality while growing up.

What started as a job for a scheduled couple of years to sort out the financial problems went on and on and on. And still goes on. One thing led to the other and I could never get out of it. I have my loans, my expenses which grew by leaps and bounds as my salary grew. The government always knows how to get back the money from you  in the form of taxes :) and the salaried and middle class people are the mostly affected. I ain't complaining, it is just the way it is. And this job gave me the much needed asylum when I was literally stranded one day with nothing. It gave me the courage and money to go back to safety, regroup, fight and come back, of course at a huge cost. It even gave me the opportunities to travel around a little. So I don't regret it.

What I do regret it is that I still can't find a way to get out of the maze I have created. I wanted to teach, that was my life long ambition, goal or interest, how ever you put it. Now I don't know if I can. I don't know if I have lost my touch with the younger generation to  be able to teach them. With the kind of technological advances, I think they will teach me a thing or two about everything. I don't know if I do know anything other than coding and designing (and I am pretty average at that). It has been this way for sometime. I am not sure where the path is going to lead. I still try to keep on searching for a way out. Till now I have hit a dead end due to various reasons. I think I will find what I need eventually. Till then all I have is hope. And well my job :)