மாலை பொழுதின் மயக்கத்திலே - கவிதை

Warning: Contains spoilers

I  had wanted to see this movie because of it songs. I liked them a lot especially the choreography of two songs.. penne ye penne and kadal karaiyile..Unless you like watching very dramatic and yet poetic romantic story which moves very very slowly, don't attempt this.
Dont look for logic here.. its just a set of characters and the events that transpire between them on a rainy and cold evening in a Cafe Coffee Day.. Just like their logo.. "A lot can happen over a cup of coffee", this movie tells you what happens between a 10 year married couple with a kid , issues faced by the coffee shop owner, the issues of the two servers (one monetary and one girl problems), a writer with a mental block and an aspiring film maker who falls heads over heels over a beautiful girl who comes there. I dont know if they chose coffee day after they chose the theme of their story or they chose the story based on coffee day's logo :), whatever it is, I liked it..

The writer is the only observant with no story linked.. He comes there because he is not finding any urge to write his next novel and there in the coffee shop, he is literally at the background of each story, observing and studying them.

The couple who are married for 10 years and have a kid, showcase the usual issues faced by a supposedly-hard-working husband and a usually low-self-esteem housewife and how their kid usually ends up being the victim. The way these two explain their issues to two different people and trying to find a solution.. they somehow remind you of yourself or your friends who undergo a similar set of problems. The dialogues used to portray each of their issues and the solution were... true..It always takes a little understanding....and some time..

The film aspirant comes to have a cup of coffee and then ends up sitting opposite a beautiful girl who he likes (may be loves) at the first sight. His expressions are cute and nice.. and he gets all the beautiful songs in the movie with the girl. He comes there with a problem and suddenly falls in love of sorts and by the day is over, his problems are still not over, but he gets the girl :) The way he flirts and his emotions when he sees that girl's athai paiyan.. nalla irundhadhu.. these two have very cute faces..and they complemented each other very perfectly..

The owner and the the two server boys are just there to lend the helping hand..
The couple and the lovers form the crux of the story, if you really look @ it.. There are a few bits and pieces built around them.
The backdrop of rain added the additional spice to the romance

The music, songs & their lyrics, re-recording, the choreography, the cinematography- WOW .. There were so many picture perfect shots.. I like dances.. any format which brings in the emotions and has more scope for expressive gestures..The use of ballet and tango / salsa ( I always get confused between the two) in a few places were very cute. All the songs in this movie are very good..

It sort of practically takes you to the coffee shop...After seeing the movie, I switched off my TV (its gonna rain now) and wanted to be with that feel for some more time.. 

Non-paying guests

There is a dove-couple in my apartment, who were in search of a place to stay / nest for quite some time now.. I am not sure why, but they had their intermediate stay in my bathroom's window for some time now and I could hear their kukuku as if they were already inside my home... There is a empty basket kept in my balcony (which had some flowers earlier..but since I keep travelling a lot, I gave it to my maid who takes care of them with the rest of the flower pots in the basement now.. and this one has been empty since then) and recently , say 3 - 4 months before , I saw this couple saving some twigs in this basket. 

I was initially skeptical about allowing them to use my bin, because I am already allergic to a lot of stuff and people around me said that their stay would mean lot of feathers and their feces etc..and that would increase my allergy.. but I did not have the heart to do away with them.. All I had to do was to remove that bin and keep it in the basement and that would have been it.. But somehow I just couldn't do it.. When my dad was here recently, he was very fascinated by this and he even tried helping this couple by arranging the twigs.. but obviously they wouldn't want any human to do anything to their home and rearrange the way they had decorated it..so they removed all the additional twigs that my dad had placed for them and they kept their own in their own pattern ..My dad was very surprised by their behavior.. It was sort of amazing even..

Since I hardly use that balcony (except for drying clothes) I decided to let them use it for now and if things get messy.. well I can cross that bridge when it comes..Whenever my maid goes to clean the balcony, the female who is usually sitting inside used to go to the opposite balcony...wait for my maid to finish and then come back once she safely out of reach.. This happens when I go to dry my clothes too...At times I see the male eyeing me suspiciously , might be even planning an attack if things go out of his hand in saving his family..aathaadi.....So I always maintain my distance from their home as I don't want to invade their privacy. Last week during her usual cleaning process my maid was astonished to see an egg in the basket.. Oh!! that is why they were seriously looking out for the past 6 months.. poor birds. I was so happy to see that.. Then after two days we saw that there were two eggs 

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Good lord.... Hope they have a happy hatching :)


Since there were two, me and my maid decided to create a partition to their home so that my clothes drying process or my maid's cleaning process wont hamper them. We kept a cupboard besides it so as to prevent the female from looking @ us and getting scared.. Well, we cannot explain her that we mean her no harm isnt.. But if the partition was there she might not even be able to see us.. But today, we saw that the partition was moved away.. dont know if that was because of the wind or the couple did not like to be within a small confined place.. Whatever it is ..we decided to leave them alone for now.. I am not sure how long they are going to be here.. but I hope they are happy. And I am eagerly waiting to 'click' their children...

Till now, its been fun having these new guests in my home..Hope they have a pleasant stay..


6-Aug-2012
Today morning we saw a new born in this dovey family. I have taken a photo..but yet to upload the same. Welcome kid :)


9th Aug
There are two now :)

 

24-Aug-2012

A few weeks later.. See how the colors have changed...

That five letter word

God.. I never thought I would do this.. but to do it without even planning and to do it just because I felt like it.. it is so relieving.. I had tears when I had to even type it.. Finally I did ask "Sorry" to one of the person I had intended to ask. I am not sure if I would get the chance to say it in person.. But then I would not have had the courage to ask in person without crying.... that would have put the other person to discomfort for sure.. I knew it takes courage to ask for forgiveness and to really mean it..but never thought that the process would be so painful...just so because you really really mean it.. I am not sure how I am going to repeat this to the other 2 people I have to ask.

This person did not even remember what had happened.. Its been more than 4 years now.. But I still remember the day as if it happened very recently..For him, it might not have mattered any thing at all, but for me that incident was about my cowardice and my incapability to stand for the right thing. I was in between two people, one whom I loved and who was by all means wrong in this situation, and the other who was my manager and who did nothing wrong except do his duty. And I chose to blame my manager for the fix I was in, at that time (I really don't want to go to the specifics here.. its a long story) and that guy listened to me and did not even say a word telling me that I should sort out my issues instead of putting the blame on him.. If he had told me that, I might not have felt bad at all. But when he kept quite and further to that, he did what I had asked him.. this made things worse for me. I started feeling guilty. I knew what I had done was wrong even before I spoke the words to him, but I chose to use that workaround rather than fix the problem....And that guilt stayed with me all these years. I was not strong enough to even contemplate on asking sorry.. But today all of a sudden when I was chatting with him, I don't know why, but I went ahead and asked his forgiveness.. I couldn't help but cry when I typed those words.. but my tears are worth the effort.. He said that he did not bother about that much and that he did not even remember the incident...and hoped that I have gotten strong over these years.. and to really let go of it.. It was very kind of him to say that... but if I hadn't spoken to him today I would never have asked.. I am glad I found my courage today. And I wish I have the same courage to ask the same five letter word to the other two people whom I have wronged. It might not be a big deal for them, but it surely is, for my soul. 

Hopeful...

Day before yesterday I happened to see the movie "Tangled", again.. I wonder how many times I have watched this movie... But everytime I watch it, it makes me feel better.. Its not that its a fairy tale (which I am always fond of). There are quite a lot of fairy tales, which doesn't give this "feeling" like this movie does.. Even though all the fairy tales are about happy endings and feel good songs... this one does stand out for me.. why ? Because it tells me that even losing the magic is at times a good thing..you still have "hope".

Much earlier when the movie DDLJ came and became such a huge hit, (even though I did watch it at that time alone ;) ) I wondered why would such a romantic movie become such a big hit with people ? The only answer I thought was that it gave them hope...Hope that, even if the probability of its success is very less, one can still dream of a blissful and happy ending to their own love story...No one is gonna dance and sing and woo any one in real life.. but to get hold of their dulhania by convincing their parents.. thats something they can still hope for.. I don't think people would follow the movies and try to imitate it in real life (except for some hard core psychopaths like the one in Colorado).

Its again similar to the reason why people throng the temples during important festivals, especially the ones during Shivarathri and Vaikunda ekadesi..( for the record, I am not an atheist , but I dont believe in visiting temples during the festivities with so much crowd.. I prefer seeing Him or rather His form at leisure..and peace) People say that if you pass through the sorkavaasal during the vaikunda ekadesi, you are entitled for paarkadal moksham.. We do not have proof of that.. There is no one who has come back and confirmed that they did attain it... but then why do people do it?..it eventually leads them to the hope of having a peaceful death and afterlife.. and if they believe in rebirth, hope of being born again as a better being.

When people have bad times and times when they cannot just decide, they either turn to God or God's men (most of them are bad men) or even astrologers for a glimmer of hope that things will eventually be Ok for them. There is always a unknown factor in everything we do. This unknown factor at times decide the result(s) of our actions. When some of them are ready to handle this unknown factor without anyone's help, most of them need some sort of support to let them know that it would be OK for them... even if it meant praying to the supreme entity, who they think has the power to turn the unknown factor in their favor... or in some cases, to pray to the same supreme entity to give them enough strength to handle the result, whatever it may be... and then they Hope for a better result..

Hope may not be a better idea most of the time, because all we do is hope and then we do not do the obvious, and then we blame it on the unknown factor and pacify ourselves.. But most of the times, hope is what we need. Hope that we will be able to do better.

A couple of quotes

“Hope is a waking dream.” - Aristotle


"There is no medicine like hope, no incentive so great and no tonic so powerful as expectation of something better tomorrow. " - ORISON SWETT MARDEN, He Can Who Thinks He Can



Even though hope is a good thing, just be little careful of what you hope for :D

Never Love a Stranger - Surprisingly heart warming

A man can live alone if he shares his rooms with twenty other humans and shares his heart with none.
- Harold Robbins from "Never Love a Stranger"

I started this book "Never Love a Stranger" by Harold Robbins, based on some reviews on goodreads. Its a old one which was published in 1940+ if I am not wrong....and I wasn't sure if I would like it.. but never the less, I wanted a story to read and I started it.. But for some strange reason, I started liking it.. Its like watching a old classic movie which has some sort of warmth in it when you watch it.. May be its just that I am getting old or its just this phase of life, I am not sure.. but I really enjoyed reading it.

(Warning: contains spoilers)

This story is about a boy, who is all alone and how he manages to hold himself through the tough phases of his own life and that of the depression that happened in America during his life.. He is sort of a very complex and mixed personality... very alone (though not lonely for most of the times..), hard, calculative, selfish, instantaneous, wicked at times, and then he would do something which makes you feel that he is so soft at heart, nice even....and that all he wanted was to not get hurt anymore by anyone.. He was just. I really liked that character..Its all about him , Frankie, and his friends Marty, Jerry & Janet and his one true love, Ruth. How life comes a full circle for him... A very good read.. The kind of writing too.. the story starts with Frankie's birth and the it proceeds with interludes from his friends which sort of gives you a two track story proceeding in parallel and then joins when Frankie finally marries Ruth, after so so long a time.. (I had almost given up hope you know..) I guess at the time it was written, it must have been pretty new, this kind of interlude thing..

I had just one concern.. I never got to the reason of the title.. was it because Frankie, at all times, was a stranger to all of his friends, even though each of them thought they knew him well ? Whatever...I dont care anymore.. I liked him..and the book did make a very good read :)

Karaoke....another dream fulfilled...

It has been my long time dream of doing a Karaoke... atleast just one number... Why? Because, as you know, I love to sing...and to sing before an unknown audience with scrolling lyrics available to distract me from closing my eyes while I sing and also to sing in a mike... I wanted to do that once in my lifetime to get the feel of it. I have always dreaded singing before an unknown group or in a stage.. I used to sing before friends..but that is only for fun.. I never intended to learn singing because knowing me, that would take the fun out of my singing... and I really wanna feel when I sing.. not think about the swara's or thalam or the intricate details of proper singing.. But to sing before a group just to overcome my fear atleast once, was something I had always wanted to do.. and Karaoke was an acceptable option for me. When I was in U.S I saw one karaoke place but we did not go there for our dinner (couldn't get reservation) but I wanted to see atleast how it is done..

Recently, during one of our treat dinner/lunch session, one of my friend asked us if we would like to join him for a karaoke because he wanted to try it.. He is fond of songs, especially the Glee versions of it (which I seriously don't like.. ) and wanted to try and sing. And one more guy (no one would have thought of him as a big fan of rock music) also was desperate to sing.. They wanted some company of friends to support them and I heard myself telling them that I would join them if they want and may be even participate.. Whoa!!! What got over me.. I have no idea.. but the slightest hint of something that could make my dream come true.. I think I was ready to take it now.. No plans.. No thinking twice.. I just said YES..

And there we were, this friday, in a karaoke sports bar (almost 6 of us, 3 of us ready to sing..and rest three to cheer us.).. There was a small unhappy incident that happened..but I am not going to elaborate on that cause I dont want to remember it.. minor hiccup..but resolved sooner.. We went around by 8pm.. almost after an hour in the traffic... and the karaoke started around 8.30 or so.. I was skeptical till they asked us to put down our names and the song we wanted to sing..they had over 50k songs in their database.. whooo... that is quite a large number... The rock star guy was really pepped up (courtesy his drinks during the happy hour). The guy who started it was still not convinced as he doesnt know any song fully.. he can sing with the song..but not just with the lyrics.. I gave my name after some second thoughts with my song which was Adele's Set Fire to the Rain. And when they really started.. I went berserk.. The guys who were singing..boy..they were toooo good.. I was suddenly not so sure of doing it.. Then suddenly my name was called out and my song was there ready to be played..

I just got up, went over..got the mike and started singing.. and then I was in my territory.. I was in my game.. I was home and nothing else mattered.. I missed the beat twice.. but I was happy there..singing.. and most of the times.. just as I always do.. I had to just close my eyes and go with the song.. I knew that song by heart.. that I did not need the lyrics to be scrolled (which also gives you a clue as to when to stop and start based on the beats..) I dont need them when I know a song.. But when I was almost at the end.. I realized that my blood is boiling hot..and my hands were shaking..and I was suddenly very aware of so many eyes eyeing me.. Oh Boy!!!! the nerves.. When it ended..all I could do with the strength I could muster was to just go back and sit in my place.. not a word of thanks to the claps around me and I dont really got to listen to what they said at the end.. I think I heard a once more..but I was clearly not ready for what I felt after the singing..

When I went back and had my glass of water.. I realized that I had done what I had wanted to do for such a long time and I enjoyed doing it.. The after effects is always the same..But my friends were happy that I did it well. I am not sure how I sang.. my voice definitely changes a lot with the mike.. I sounded like someone else..but I liked it.. If I could gather a little more self confidence... I can really do it well.. But what the heck.. I DID IT..  :) It was really intoxicating.. I was suddenly so tired and sleepy.. I was drained out .. all at once.. and I was hungry.. It felt real good.. I am not a pro..but I love singing..and I love learning songs.. I love trying to mimic voices in songs..

Will I do it again.. I am not sure.. I might do it better next time.. but do I want to do it? I dont care.. if I get a chance I might.. but I wont go & do it on my own.. that is for sure.. Why? I dont know.. may be the place was a little different than I had expected it to be.. It was very decent for a sports bar till the time we were there atleast... But they served more drinks than the food..

But I saw a few old people who sang so beautifully.. some blues numbers... I should definitely tell you about the rock fan friend of mine.. I dont remember the song he sang ...but he sang like a real rock star.. Boy.. I never thought that he could pull such a stunt.. He was in his element.. He really ROCKED...It was real fun.. He even had a fan who was so happy to hear him sing and was shaking his legs for this guy's song.. It was hilarious..and real fun.. the person who started this was the one whom we did not sing till we left.. My friend who has seen me singing quite a few times, knew that I could pull off a tamil song (She was there when I did a karaoke.. with no one else on sight during our trip to Innovative film city once..At that time, the place was practically deserted..and I was with my closest friends.. so I didnt have to think twice to do it..) but an english number.. she was surprised I think.... We started back at around 10.15 pm and reached home and I just couldnt believe that I did that.... I really slept well..

Another tick mark on my Life's TODO list...... When I told my sister and my mom, they were so happy for me.. Well it always feels good to do something out of your comfort zone once in a while and to do it well, it felt nice.. really nice..

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After watching the video of my Karaoke Singing.. Whew!!! I am sure I wont do it again.. Gosh.. how terrible I sounded.. I am not sure if I really sound that bad in mike.. but definitely not worth a try again..