Gone with the wind - Heartache

I had this book with me for over 6 months now..and for some reason I couldn't find any interest to read it. I just did not want any love story at that time... But when I took this book last week, I did not know why I started it but today I am glad I completed it (even with the help of the free ebook to help me complete it in office hours too :D )

If you ever intend to read the book without knowing the story, I guess you should stop once this sentence is over. There will be spoilers all over this post. I guarantee it.

First and foremost, this novel is about a girl with all shades of grey. You name it and she has it. I have seen bit and pieces of this grey shade in different women and in different characters. But all together in a single woman.. this is the first novel I have read like that. She somehow reminded me of Nandhini in Ponniyin Selvan..But Nandhini seemed like a saint before her at times. Nandhini wasn't selfish, she was just revengeful.

Having said that, I liked this girl/woman Scarlett O' Hara for her grit, her strength and her dont-care-a-damn-for-the-world attitude. This is very necessary in a woman when she has to fend for herself and has to make a living rather than succumb to the pressures of the war torn world, in her case. But I did not like her for the ignorance she displayed in matters of heart... She caused more hurt to people around her due to her ignorance rather than her dont-care attitude. She was bull headed about everything even with love. That is what was sad about all this.

Rhett Butler. For some reason, after a few chapters of his association with Scarlett got into my good books. I dont know why, even though he did everything illegal and was selfish just as Scarlett was, I found his honesty and straight forwardness very admirable. Not only because he was straight forward and forthright in what he said, but also he was able to accept the other person's forthrightness too. That is not at all easy. I have seen many who are ready to speak their mind and be clear with their conscience that they have been honest with themselves, but they cannot hear a honest-to-god word from others about them, just like Scarlett. Rhett wasn't a hypocrite whereas Scarlett was. He was bad and he accepted it, but he did not hurt people who he thought were good in his own terms. And to fall in love with Scarlett, hmm.. Matters of heart is always mysterious.. isnt..

Well coming back to the story... It is set during a period of 10-12 years if I am not wrong and how this girl in her teens grows to a woman in a war-torn country. With her strength how she manages to recover from it and rebuild her home 'Tara' and how she manages to take care of her family and fulfills her dream of having enough money to not go hungry at all. But when someone goes through these struggles, I guess they give less important to moral and ethical issues unless they work in their favor. I really liked the way she goes on about rebuilding her home and bringing herself up, even when she was ruthless in lot of ways.. She looks like a pretty smart woman for her age during those times. But she fails big time to not see the true love when it was before her eyes. I guess sometimes the troubles you go through makes you build a wall around your heart which makes you don't want to get hurt anymore..and you wouldn't mind hurting others if that would help you feel better..

There are lot of other characters, Melanie , who is more like her mom Ellen in many ways.. and is portrayed as a angel of sorts.. Ashley, the confused soul, who is not able to decide which is important : his desire for Scarlett or his love for Melanie. Ellen, Mammy, Patty.. lot of other supporting characters. But somehow the whole story revolves around Scarlett, Rhett, Ashley and Melanie..

I wasn't sure of one thing. Scarlett knew that Rhett knew her inside out. She did not have to pretend about anything before him. He loved her for what she was and who she was. So she did not have to even think twice before she had to speak to him.. He would understand her exactly the same way she would want him to understand.. no miscommunications here.. then why would she not love him? It would be so comfortable isnt.. It would be so relaxing. But there is on issue though.. if one of them changes over the time (which people eventually do) and tend to yearn for some worldly needs which might need them to be little deceptive.. it would be a big fall.. hmm..

When I finished the book, I felt this slight heartache, I don't know why...Is it because I felt sad because Scarlett realized her love so late or is it because I couldn't help but understand the apathy that Rhett felt, once she started to realize who she was in love with at the end, when everything he held dear was lost to him, including his love for her. I think its the latter.

A very well written story with detailed description of the war and its effect on people (even though I am no great fan of war based stories). How people change in those trying times. How they rebuild their lives with whatever is left of theirs. What they have to endure to accustom to the new and changed lives. How some people, who cannot change, perish... Very very well written. Also to show a woman in such a strong and yet partly negative character takes a lot of guts. It doesn't have the romance thrown in your face.. Its very subtle and yet clear, except for Scarlett. And that too in that time frame when this book was written, to write about something like this..a very good job indeed.

I am glad I read this book.. It has brought a lot of topics buzzing to my head...but those will come later..


Y'day after this post, I saw the movie Om Shanthi Om, again, after a long gap. I like that movie for a lot of reasons.... But I heard one line from Om to Mikey where he says "Frankly dear, I don't give a damn", when Mikey refuses to be in India for the Audio launch and blah blah.. This line, it took me by surprise.. I never till date knew that this was such a famous line (after reading this novel and seeing the trailer of the movie, I thought that , that one line stood out of everything else..) But to be used in such a place in such a movie as Om Shanthi Om.. It was cheeky :)

I have got the movie (Gone with the wind) with me now and am intending on watching it over the weekend. At least the trailer did not disappoint me and I hope that I wont be disappointed in the movie too. I think Rhett has become one of my personally favorite characters after Darcy, in English.

[30-Jun-2012]
After watching the 3hr 52 min long movie my day is done. One of the best adapted screenplays (thankfully very less of war scenes) I should say. They have done enough justice and they have used the dialogues as is from the book. The actors portraying Scarlett O' Hara , Rhett Butler and Melanie Hamilton fit the role to the T. The photography is so amazing.. The color of the twilight sky (sort of mix of orange, red) is one color which I love to watch in real too. That color was beautifully shown.. The lights in a few screens are so...what to say.. especially where Rhett confronts Scarlett after Ashley's birthday scene.. very very well done.. No wonder it is one of the well received movie.. It deserves it.

One special mention to Vivian and Clark.. I should say for the first time, I felt very happy that the actors did justice to the characters. Clark Gable with his twisted smile and that cigar..Awesome ... Be sure to watch it if you have read the book..You wont be disappointed.. Dont expect all the characters from the book though.. You wont see Scarlett's two kids, or Will etc.. But you will enjoy the movie as a whole..

My Blog - my Pensieve

Months of April & May 2008 were the most depressing period of my life, because those were the two months when I had been the saddest for the longest time in my life, till now. I can never be sad for more than a day or max of 2 days. But those two months were just unbearable. That is when I decided that if I continue one more day like this, I would have to kill myself and that is just not me. So I did something that I never thought I would do in my entire life. Start a Blog.

My bro had a blog at that time which he rarely used. And I was not much of a blogger (reader /writer) until then. I like to write. I even had a diary in my school days, but did not last long as my mom discovered it and I had to stop.. Well, I had scolded her in it coz she had chided me for something and once she saw it I got scolded again.. Was a big anti climax.. so stopped it. I decided to venture in to this unknown territory because of one reason. I needed a channel for letting out my thoughts, my feelings and keep it strictly private. And when I am ready to let it go, I can let my friends know about it. Family - well no one reads a blog.... but yes they are in FB though.. That is how this blog happened.

After almost 4 years and 1 month, I wonder at the fact of how much this blog has mattered to me over these years. I have very short term memory.. I cannot remember what happened say 5-6 years before, unless it has affected me in some way or the other. And even in those cases, I prefer to remember the moral of the story and not the story..

I have done enough travels down south (even though max of them have been to temple towns...) but I dont remember them now, unless I look @ the old photos. With this blog, I am able to record my travels and happy to remember those good moments.

I read books and watch movies, a lot. But when some book or movie impresses me, I prefer to remember them for their lines or performances. With this blog, I could write about them and have a record of what I had read or watched and why I liked them.

Then the IPL matches happened. I guess at times, the excitement of the matches (especially CSK) comes to my posts too. I like reading about those moments again.

Sometimes, a small topic that we discuss for the sake of time passing, could open up lot of thoughts within us and when that happens to me, I use this blog to pen down my thoughts. That is a big let out for me actually. Because I cannot find people who might be of the same wavelength to discuss those issues or who might be able to accept a broader perspective of things, but with the posts you can let it out and not bother about the outcome of it.... because its a simplex communication mode...

Until 3 years before, if my memory serves me right, no one knew about this blog. Some were even surprised that I have a blog. That is when I was really ready to let some of my friends know about it. I already told you naa.. I am little slow with people.. Recently, when I was writing something, my colleague saw that I was writing a post (courtesy..my new place and the 17 inch monitor) and was asking me about my blog. I told him that it was meant to be private and I am not going to share it unless and until I feel like it. He got pissed off a bit, but since he had no other go, just let it go. And during a official lunch he communicated to the team that I write a blog but was not willing to share it. Well I said the same thing  that I told him ,again,  to everyone. And that is when everyone asked me if I was on FB (facebook). When I said no, they were like 'What!! you write a blog, but you are not on FB..thats ridiculous'. I fail to understand what can be ridiculous in this. I am not a very social person. I dont have time for friending, unfriending or checking or updating the status of people or communicate what I do every second of my life to the world. I know FB can be used for other better reasons too..But I am not that person.

This blog has helped in improve my vocabulary little bit more and have introduced me to some good blogs which I follow, even though I know not many of them in that list. I happened to read them my chance, liked their posts and so follow them. Some of them are my friends and I like to follow them (and I hope that they keep writing more :D ...)

When I decided to start this blog, I never knew I will come this far. This blog gave me enough confidence to try out other things in life, which I would never have done otherwise. First of all was the guitar class that I joined during August 2008 or so. And then I did a lot of other things and I try to venture into new territories every year as much as possible. 


But, it all started here... in this blog, and this is something I hope to continue through my twilight years.... I hope so atleast. 


Ciao... 


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[Updated on 22-June-2012]
Yday night for some reason, it stuck me that my blog was more like a Pensieve (just like the one in Harry Potter's life). So changed my post title today to reflect that.. 

Finally the day and I was thinking of !!!

The day I was expecting for the past 3 years arrived today (actually I thought it was on 4th..but got the update that it was today..2nd of June)  and everything is over, as was expected. But surprising there was something else that was going in my mind the whole day. My dead dog. Today is the death anniversary of my dog who died almost 15-16 years ago. Its not that I remember him every year on his death anniversary. But today my mind was fully occupied by the day he died. May be because it did commensurate (is this the word?) with the end of something else in my life today.

He was a simple country dog and came home when we was a few weeks old. For a family who had only enough to make their own ends meet, a dog was an additional responsibility. Except for my mom, who was apprehensive as it would mean additional work for her, everyone rejoiced and welcomed him with open arms :). I still remember the way he would eat away the socks and the shoes of my brother and the way he would run up to our first floor home when my mom is away for purchases. Dogs behave more or like humans and sometimes much better than them. They know how to behave with their owners. He would behave differently with each member of my family. Quiet and obedient with my father, playful with my brother, understanding with my sister (who was very happy that she has someone younger than her in the family), good with me ( he knows that I dont like him licking me :) and he never did that, and that I was the only one who was willing to bathe him ..the one act he hated the most...but listened to me nonetheless..) and very very quiet with my mom (she was the one who fed him)..

But almost after his 2nd or 3rd year or so, when we had to move to another rented house where they did not allow pets, we were put in a fix. We (three of us) did not want to move because we couldn't leave him. But my father was in a fix because with respect to rent, proximity to school and college, the move would be a better one. After contemplating a lot my parents decided to take the house and decided to leave our dog in a country side. I am not sure how much he understood, he started getting ill and once it was very severe. We called in vets and got medicines  (he had the necessary shots on time but still). His condition deteriorated. Finally on 2nd June, when we called the vet, he said that nothing could be done and that we can try a medicine. Finally after 6 pm or so, we tried giving him the medicine with milk, as prescribed, but he was responding very feebly. Suddenly I was left alone with my dad to tend to him. My brother and my sister were too upset to witness it and so my mother was with them (if I remember correctly)... When he breathed his last, it was me who proclaimed him dead.. I still remember the eyes. I didn't cry. I couldn't. I was feeling blank. The only thing I felt was that it was his way of not leaving us forever. If we had left him on a country side, we might have missed him more.. but this... Its been more than 15 years now. We have outgrown him. That's true. But I remember how everyone cried in my home after burying him. That was the day I decided never to have a pet. I loved my dog so much that I see him in all the dogs and just cannot bear another loss.

This is what I was remembering the whole day today. May be this way of ending that happened today might make me feel good rather than any other way. But an end is an end. And again I feel blank. The only person who really responded was my mom. She became all too emotional. She is doing the role of being a mom :D and my friends did not know what to say to me ? Is congrats the right word or should they say sorry ?! May be the effect of today will dawn upon me in a day or two. I don't know. I am just so tired to think about anything now. For now, I just wanted to clear my thoughts.