When I came to Hyderabad (almost 3 months ago) I was skeptical how I would fit in here. I wasn't sure what to expect, except that I wanted a change. But after three months, I feel as if I have been here for a much longer time than it already is.
Of course, I haven't been roaming around the place to explore it. I never did that in Bangalore or Coimbatore either. So that was never in the agenda. And I have very less interactions with people who speak Telugu here and Hindi is widely used outside, so there goes my language learning. I have made a few friends here and I have become a little more comfortable talking to people to whom I get introduced. Of course, some of them think of me as a very stubborn or strict person during my first meeting with them and get surprised after a few more meetings. And I still do not know who resides next door (just as always :)). I am confined in my room as much as possible with my iPad and my novels and movies that I hardly have time for anything else. To make the long story short, I do not find myself living a different life when compared to the one I lived in Bangalore. So what was my point of leaving that place?
My being away from Bangalore made certain that I did let go of someone finally forever. Even though every time I go, in spite of my best efforts to not concern myself with that person's whereabouts, I get updated from my maid. But it doesn't evoke any feeling anymore. Earlier a slight anger was there but now that also is gone. You cannot erase the past, what happened is a part of me but I can definitely let it go now. Can I let it go to go ahead just like my parents and my friends wish? I am not sure. But it was nice to talk about what I feel to my dad after such a long time, even though he did cut it short by saying 'I will take care of things..you don't have to worry..but I want to know where you stand...I don't want you yelling at me after I find something better for you'. Now what am I supposed to say for this. But I have been guaranteed to have my final word on things. More than my father, I am tired of my friend who is damn sure that I will settle down sooner which gives me more scare. Because I still am not sure about it. He did give me a very nice explanation, even when I was in Bangalore, about why he thought that would be best course for me and I will never accept this on his face that he was true. But that doesn't diminish the fear does it? So for all these reasons Hyderabad is my current hiding place :) and I am not sure how long I can hide.
When I went to Bangalore for a week and half last month, I felt how much I was part of that place and my home. It was like my cocoon. I felt safe there in my home. Because that was one place where everything belongs to me and no one can deny me anything just because it doesn't belong to me. I know I have scars from stuff that happened long ago (5 years is long enough), but emotional scars do take a long time to heal. The reason Bangalore and Hyderabad are similar to me is, that I am left alone with myself and I do not feel bored or tired of it. I feel at home in both places. Then I go to Coimbatore thinking I will feel that place to be different, and then I feel at home there too. As if that place has seen more of me than any other place. In fact I am surrounded with more people and kids out there and I hardly have a second of reprieve for myself there , but still I am at peace.
When I had been to U.S for the first time, when I was travelling back after three months, I was wondering if I will feel exhilarated on being back in my own place. I used to think of the same thing every time I travel between Blr-Hyd-Cjb also. But nope.. no such feeling. I feel @ home at all places. Is it a good thing to feel @ home everywhere and in turn belong nowhere at all ? I do not want to settle down permanently in Bangalore. Hyderabad is my current hiding place, that is all. Coimbatore is a place I want to be for brief visits, but am not sure if I fit there anymore in those surroundings for a long term. Where do I want to belong? I don't know. But atleast any place is good as this. Because I can adapt well. At times being adaptable is as much a curse as it is a boon isnt?
Of course, I haven't been roaming around the place to explore it. I never did that in Bangalore or Coimbatore either. So that was never in the agenda. And I have very less interactions with people who speak Telugu here and Hindi is widely used outside, so there goes my language learning. I have made a few friends here and I have become a little more comfortable talking to people to whom I get introduced. Of course, some of them think of me as a very stubborn or strict person during my first meeting with them and get surprised after a few more meetings. And I still do not know who resides next door (just as always :)). I am confined in my room as much as possible with my iPad and my novels and movies that I hardly have time for anything else. To make the long story short, I do not find myself living a different life when compared to the one I lived in Bangalore. So what was my point of leaving that place?
My being away from Bangalore made certain that I did let go of someone finally forever. Even though every time I go, in spite of my best efforts to not concern myself with that person's whereabouts, I get updated from my maid. But it doesn't evoke any feeling anymore. Earlier a slight anger was there but now that also is gone. You cannot erase the past, what happened is a part of me but I can definitely let it go now. Can I let it go to go ahead just like my parents and my friends wish? I am not sure. But it was nice to talk about what I feel to my dad after such a long time, even though he did cut it short by saying 'I will take care of things..you don't have to worry..but I want to know where you stand...I don't want you yelling at me after I find something better for you'. Now what am I supposed to say for this. But I have been guaranteed to have my final word on things. More than my father, I am tired of my friend who is damn sure that I will settle down sooner which gives me more scare. Because I still am not sure about it. He did give me a very nice explanation, even when I was in Bangalore, about why he thought that would be best course for me and I will never accept this on his face that he was true. But that doesn't diminish the fear does it? So for all these reasons Hyderabad is my current hiding place :) and I am not sure how long I can hide.
When I went to Bangalore for a week and half last month, I felt how much I was part of that place and my home. It was like my cocoon. I felt safe there in my home. Because that was one place where everything belongs to me and no one can deny me anything just because it doesn't belong to me. I know I have scars from stuff that happened long ago (5 years is long enough), but emotional scars do take a long time to heal. The reason Bangalore and Hyderabad are similar to me is, that I am left alone with myself and I do not feel bored or tired of it. I feel at home in both places. Then I go to Coimbatore thinking I will feel that place to be different, and then I feel at home there too. As if that place has seen more of me than any other place. In fact I am surrounded with more people and kids out there and I hardly have a second of reprieve for myself there , but still I am at peace.
When I had been to U.S for the first time, when I was travelling back after three months, I was wondering if I will feel exhilarated on being back in my own place. I used to think of the same thing every time I travel between Blr-Hyd-Cjb also. But nope.. no such feeling. I feel @ home at all places. Is it a good thing to feel @ home everywhere and in turn belong nowhere at all ? I do not want to settle down permanently in Bangalore. Hyderabad is my current hiding place, that is all. Coimbatore is a place I want to be for brief visits, but am not sure if I fit there anymore in those surroundings for a long term. Where do I want to belong? I don't know. But atleast any place is good as this. Because I can adapt well. At times being adaptable is as much a curse as it is a boon isnt?
